How adult children can wield their clout in a positive manner.
By Matt Valley
Jody Gastfriend, vice president of senior care services for Care.com, likes to quote Theodore Roosevelt on the subject of growing old. “Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.’”
But that’s easier said than done, admits Gastfriend, a licensed independent clinical social worker with an extensive background in healthcare management. “It’s something that people really avoid because it has to do with mortality and decline.”
Launched in 2007, Waltham, Mass.-based Care.com is the largest online care destination in the world
with 9.7 million members spanning 16 countries. The website matches caregivers with care seekers across a range of industries that include child care, pet care, household help, special needs and senior care. The web-based platform is a membership model that allows families to easily connect to care providers and caregiving services, while also helping care providers find meaningful work.
Gastfriend urges adult children, often referred to as adult influencers, to educate themselves on seniors housing as much as possible and not be shy about asking pointed questions of their parents. For example: “Mom, if you weren’t able to drive anymore, would you still want to stay where you are living or would you want to move?”
“Begin to have these discussions, so that if something does happen, you have some understanding of what that person’s wishes are,” says Gastfriend. “Involve family members, and learn who the key people in your parents’ lives are, such as doctors and estate planners. Line up your ducks as much as possible, and just anticipate issues.”
Big voice
Gastfriend estimates that adult children are involved in the decision-making process 80 percent of the time when seniors move from their home to a seniors housing community.
A 2011 study commissioned by the American Seniors Housing Association, Senior Living for the Next Generation, corroborates that analysis. The survey of 1,065 adult children of residents living in assisted living, memory care and nursing care settings found that 89 percent of respondents assisted their parent in the decision-making process to move to a senior living community.
“What has shifted is the increasing number of people with dementia,” explains Gastfriend. “As people lose their cognitive capacities, they need more assistance from their adult children and more involvement in these transitions. That is one of the big factors. More and more seniors housing communities are accommodating people with early and middle-stage dementia.”
Pitfalls to avoid
The senior is the customer, not the adult child, emphasizes Gastfriend. Care.com has received considerable feedback that during facility tours with families, some seniors have felt disengaged because the marketing or admissions people directed their comments almost exclusively to the
adult children.
“It’s important that whomever is the face of the facility or community understands that when a senior comes to look at a facility, as much as he or she might enjoy seeing all the nice aspects of it, there is also a real sense of loss of independence. They could be looking at this in a very painful way. Being empathetic about that as opposed to being more of a realtor is really an important approach that sometimes communities forget about,” says Gastfriend.
One mistake that adult children sometimes make is to seize control of the decision-making process, which often backfires. “A lot of adult children go to great lengths to find an appropriate community for a senior to live in, but the parent hasn’t bought into the idea,” says Gastfriend.
“The parent may completely resist it upfront, or they may go through the process of visiting places and communities and pay lip service to it, but in the end, they are too resistant to the idea because it really is not something that came from them or what they want.”
If it’s a lifestyle choice for an aging adult to move to a seniors housing community, the time between the initial inquiry and when the resident takes occupancy is about 18 months, say industry experts.
“Optimally, the seniors are very involved in the decision and are very communicative about what their needs are and what they’re looking for,” says Gastfriend.
Operators double as educators
Susan Bogan, executive vice president of client relations for GlynnDevins, an Overland Park, Kan.-based marketing firm that helps seniors housing communities boost occupancy, says the best operators educate the adult children on the major aspects of the business. That includes explaining the different types of seniors housing product or spelling out the difference between private pay and government reimbursement.
A smart approach is to view a property holistically, she says. For example, the amount of amenities at a brand new facility may be head and shoulders above an existing community, but there are other factors to consider. “Adult children feel better when the physical community — the amenities surrounding their mom or dad — are really nice. I think that relieves some of the guilt that they feel,” explains Bogan, a 22-year veteran of the industry.
“But I think it’s important to help adult children look beyond that,” Bogan is quick to add. “It’s about care, it’s about how the staff builds relationships with the residents who are there. It’s about the level of activity that goes on in the community.”